Let me say this upfront: I’m lousy at interfaith gatherings. They tend to have an oddly stilted feel. There’s something of Tarzan and Jane about them: “Me Jew, you Muslim, we friends.” Far better, I’ve long thought, to get together on a small scale, over the dinner table. Cook together, break bread together, drink together, and allow the conversation to develop without that weirdly over-determined self-consciousness.
That’s part of what so impressed me in the response of New Zealanders Khayreyah Amani Wahaab and her husband Jason Kennedy to an Islamophobic rant (Muslims shouldn’t be allowed on airplanes, etc) by Richard Prosser, a New Zealand member of parliament: as I reported here, they invited him to dinner.
And he came to dinner. Here’s Khayreyah’s post on it last night on her Facebook page:
Mr Richard Prosser has just left our house after having a lovely dinner of home-cooked tandoori chicken, salad and roti with raitha. He was very realistic about owning the words he said, but was very clear that whilst he is never going to apologize to terrorists, he is very apologetic and contrite about the hurt and whatever damage he has caused the rest of the Muslim community. He understands, accepts and recognises that the vast majority of Muslims are not terrorist types and have the same fears, values and aspirations that he does.
We both agreed that aviation security is a wider issue that does need to be addressed [Kahyreyrah has a degree in aviation management — LH], as well as that of Muslims having a louder voice in condemning extremists and their actions. Jason and I both thanked him in the end, since if it wasn’t for his brash words written in a news column, then we would not have identified these needs, that ultimately will benefit the entirety of New Zealand. All three of us are willing to forge a way forward for Muslims in New Zealand in order to make it a happier, safer place, and leading the world in Islamic – Western relations.
Richard did say, interestingly, that of all the mail, comments etc he received from people following the article, our letter by far made him feel worse than all the others. He finds himself to be a person who can deal with anger and resentment being directed towards him but felt out of place dealing with outreach born of love and a desire for understanding. Ultimately both sides agreed that we need to see each other as a whole and not just what the media had chosen to portray, that we cannot expect fair judgement if only one facet of ourselves are exposed to said judgement. We ended the night with a short TedX video of Lesley Hazleton’s talk about being a tourist in the Quran and we promised to have future interactions with a view to improving NZ as a whole. — with Jason Kennedy
Glad to have played a small supporting role.
The moral is, we need to see each other as a whole and not just what media has chosen to portray.
Ms.Hazleton,I watched and listened attentively to your talk on Quran,more than once.It is amazing and enrich my understanding.Thank you for your objective take on Islam.However,I think you should lay your claim on frontiers explored.What becomes of an explorer if after exploring the uncharted areas then just leave to others to benefit.You have found Islam,accept it.
Thank you, but… I respect your Islam; please respect my agnosticism.
Sharing a community meal used to have a powerful symbology; it meant that all who shared were part of the same tribe. As sharing in a family meal meant that all who shared were part of the same family, in Semitic culture, within the boundaries of the “haram”. Worse yet if it involved sharing food that was not as “chalal/kosher” as what you normally ate. What if they were dressed or undressed in a strange way?
This is a powerful challenge to our sense of self and of belonging (both of the ego), inciting the strongest prejudiced response in all people. How would you feel if some stranger entered your home without asking, sat down at your table, and proceeded to eat a meal with you using your supplies and his, in the presence of your own family members? That would take great forbearance for anyone to tolerate.
How much more would it take to get beyond mere tolerance to a full embrace of “the other”? Though each society has its own way of de-fanging “the other” or its own children thru the customs of hospitality and parenting. Perhaps it is enough to realize that “the other” sees us just as much a stranger as we see them. Yet this is essentially the problem we have in a global village that we were unprepared for. Difference in metaphysics is small compared to our preference for the familiar.
Made me think of the phrase “getting to know each other” — emphasis on “other.” The progression from ‘they’ to ‘you’ to ‘we.’
By Jove, you’ve got it! Human beings usually live with profoundly unconscious and unexamined reflexes learned in infancy and childhood … that much Dr Freud may be correct about. Usually our conscious beliefs are concocted to provide a rationalization for these reflexes, though usually profoundly simple (nudity, eating, touching et al), they are very hard to address with any skepticism, if we can be brought to think about them at all.
Personal boundaries are a big assumption … starting with our own personhood and extending out to our many associates in complicated inter-related rings. A conversion experience if one has one, involves a profound reorientation of this whole architecture. We articulate in our thought, spoken language, and written language, a blueprint of all of this, from our own “north pole” position, as vast as our ability to attach labels to the sum of our human experience.
The pronouns are among the oldest and most conservative words in any language (explicit or implicit depending on the language). I, thou, he/she/it, we, y’all (in my own dialect) and they. Sometimes these pronouns are “sexed” with two or more genders in languages more complicated than English (not a legitimate language, but a creole or pidgin), making this even more complicated. In some languages which pronoun you use even depends on your social class and the social class of the person you are addressing.
belated reply
i think ignorance plus arrogance is what truly separates us.
and therin lies the problem, so your blog goes a long way to bringing us all together, so i agree with your progression from “me’ to “thee” keep up the good work, Lesley!